Marriage Damaged by

Homework Hell

The emotions triggered by Homework Hell often overflow into the marriage. Battles over how to deal with the child’s homework often causes conflict in the marital relationship. Typically one parent thinks that the child’s problems are because of laziness and that this should be dealt with using a firmer, no-nonsense approach. Whereas, the other parent thinks that because of the child’s diagnosed problems, it impossible for them to meet high performance standards. Thus, it would be unfair and ineffective to demand that the child meet the standards other “normal” children are expected to meet. Rather, the child should be offered support, treatment, and encouragement to do the best they can, what ever that may be.

Discussions between parents with such opposing views can be as inflammatory as discussing the most polar political views. Since these views are often grounded in their own rearing they are heart felt and emotionally driven. The more parents try to discuss developing a common parenting strategy the more irritated they become with one another and the less able they are to communicate in a rational, productive fashion. Because of these intense emotions it becomes impossible for parents to act in a coordinated and unitary fashion.  At times they may even undermine each others’ directives in front of the child. Many children are expert at taking advantage of divisions between parents; just like, most of us took advantage of the divisions between our parents when we were children.

To be effective, treatment must address these relationships and parenting problems as well as school and homework.

In order to break this destructive cycle, one has to focus on the emotional dynamics that drive this chain reaction rather than on the intellectual content of the homework itself. When the emotional issues for both parent and child are resolved there are often dramatic improvements in the apparent academic skills.

 


 
 Aspergers Syndrome